Thursday, January 31, 2013

try me

I'm about to hit my wall.

After hemming and hawing about it for the past few months, Whit and I decided to move out of our apartment in Los Altos to a cheaper one in Mountain View. It's smaller and not quite as nice, but it's an incentive to pare down, and will allow us to save a bit more. Plus, we are now within walking distance of the burrito triangle.

This move occurred Tuesday (we hired a moving company because we are too old to be paying our friends in beer and pizza in exchange for heavy lifting). Whit then had to leave for India on Wednesday. So that leaves me single parenting for two weeks, surrounded by boxes.

I haven't really mentioned in this space before that I'm still breastfeeding, and therefore pumping while I'm at work. Other than my first week of going back full time, I've been able to keep ahead of Linnea's daycare intake. However, work's slowly been ticking upwards, which means not enough time to pump. And with the move, I haven't been eating or sleeping as well, which means a supply dip. And while this has been going on, Linnea started her six month growth spurt, and her daytime intake has gone from 12 ounces to 15 ounces to 18 ounces. Today I had to dip into my frozen milk stash for the first time, and felt like a failure.

None of this is new. Message boards all over the internet are clear: continuing to breastfeed after returning to work is hard, requires a lot of effort, and you still may have to give up before you want to. But it still doesn't make it easy to process, and the idea of stopping now, after overcoming the horror of the first few weeks, is just so, so disappointing.

So instead of dwelling on that, I'd like instead to think about my glads.
  • I found a pair of scissors, the Aeropress, and my nursing bras after only a combined 45-minute search.
  • Linnea adjusted immediately to the new place.
  • Comcast guy came at the very start of the appointment range, and got the cable modem working within 30 minutes.
  • I made my work team crack up with a well-delivered, but inappropriate computer porn joke.


Molly said...

Two weeks? Surrounded by boxes? And working? And pumping? My head would explode. In fact, it just might simply by reading this. I didn't last with breastfeeding past 4 and 5 months. I blamed it on work because I wanted so badly to be home and work was my target for everything. I was really bummed each time I stopped. Although I knew it wasn't true, I had that nagging "failure" feeling as well. And although I'd periodically wish I were still breastfeeding (I'd even have dreams about it), it was so so so so so liberating when I had to stop. SO liberating. So remember that although you will be bummed out if your milk supply stops, there will also be a glorious flip side called freedom. Just remember that when you start to get too bummed out.

And your kids will still love you when they're 2 and 3. I would know. Ask me again in a couple years.

Loved all your glads. Hilarious. See you next week. ;)

madichan said...

Well, we're still at it. I'm pumping like crazy to keep up, and just barely making it to Friday. What's funny is that I'm not even a gung-ho breastfeeding person; at this point, it's almost just stubbornness.

I'm slowly digging out from under the boxes. Our new place is smaller than our old one, so downsizing will be necessary. But Whit will be back this Friday, and he promised to unpack everything else.

And I am SO. EXCITED. to see you next week! I moved back up to the third floor, right by Eva, so now we can waste each other's time more efficiently.