Friday, July 26, 2013

Saturday, July 20, 2013

blueberry pancakes (Linnea summer 2013 bucket list)

List here

blueberry pancakes
blueberry pancakes
blueberry pancakes

She was moderately excited. By which I mean, most of this went in her mouth and not on the ground. Maybe she's more of a strawberry pancake fan.

Friday, July 19, 2013

back to basics

I'm getting back into the kitchen.

This jam was made.

Also, these cookies.

Will be trying out this bundt recipe in the next few days as a potential Linnea birthday cake.

Have a good weekend.

Monday, July 15, 2013


On Thursday morning, Linnea nursed on my left side for 5 minutes, and hasn't nursed since as of today. She is 49 weeks old.

Our breastfeeding journey started out precariously, but after weathering the initial horror, random pain on my left side that lasted 6-7 weeks, intermittent biting, and a late round of mastitis, I took for granted that we'd able to coast to her first birthday, and I could start weaning her. No more pumping! No more having to be home in the evenings so that I could nurse her before bedtime!

The flaw in this plan, clearly, was the assumption that I would have control over when the weaning occurred. Clearly, eleven months was not nearly enough time for me to get to know my daughter.

Now, whenever I try to get her to nurse, she howls, arches her back away from me, and squeezes big crocodile tears out of her eyes. It takes a few minutes to calm her down. Even though I was not particularly attached to nursing in a "MAH BABEE IS GETTING MAH LIFEFORCE" kind of way, it was truly devastating to receive this type of reaction suddenly.

Books, websites, lactation consultants universally claim that babies don't wean before 1 year. That this is a nursing strike, that a baby who won't nurse can't nurse, blah blah blah. And yet there are forums and blog posts and whispered conversations with other mothers experiencing the opposite. Some nursing strikes last for 1-2 days. Some last for 2 weeks. There are recommended techniques. Bathing with your baby in a relaxing way seems a little challenging with a super active almost-toddler banging her toys on the shower door. Lying in bed all day with her with our shirts off would be great if I weren't working full time and/or needing to do household chores. Sneaking a boob in the mouth while the kid is asleep or nearly asleep seems a little, I don't know, rapey.

And how long do you persist? It feels like after a certain point, you're almost bullying the kid into nursing again. "Fine," the baby sighs. "If it will make you happy, jeez."

Linnea is clearly going through some stuff. She's started walking, she's figured out how to put things in other things (instead of tearing things to shreds, or as Whit say, "making big things into little things is her superpower"). She may be teething again, but what eleven-month old isn't? At the end of the day, it doesn't matter why something's happening, just that it's happening and we have to support her the best we can.

I am mournful, however. I knew weaning was coming soon, and had made attempts to be more present during nursing in recent weeks. But I wasn't always consistent, and it kills me a little inside to know that during our potentially last nursing session, I was probably reading some BS about celebrity gossip or trying to order something off of Amazon.

In the meantime, instead of a glimpse of the sweet, blessed end of the pumping tunnel, I am currently pumping exclusively. I'll probably keep offering for the next few days, but will probably just let it go after that so I don't freak her out. I'm not quite ready to transition her to cow's milk, and so for the next 2-3 weeks, it's eep-oop, four times a day. Ugh.

after a monster 4 am nursing session, 6 weeks old

Saturday, July 6, 2013

eleven months

Dear Linnea,

Welp. Here we are at eleven months.

eleven months

First of all, this:

You are becoming quite the problem-solver.You pulled yourself to standing underneath your dad's desk, using his chair. You proceeded to bounce up and down, and knocked your head on the underside of the desk. You threw your head back to look at the bottom of the desk, and then slowly raised and lowered yourself on your toes to figure out how high you could bounce without hitting your head. You then started bouncing up and down again, but not quite as vigorously, and avoided hitting your head on the desk for the remainder of that session.

You also wanted more puffs from the container that I had put on the coffee table. You tried to reach for the container itself, but when you were unable to grab it (even on your tip toes), you reached for the envelope that the container was sitting on, pulled that towards you, and then grabbed the container. I watched you wave it around, bang it on the floor and table, attempt to pull off the lid, try to squeeze it with all your might, and shake the whole thing. Smart girl.

You are now standing (at first only for a second, with your arms raised triumphantly before crashing down. And now, many seconds at a time, so long that you wind up getting bored and sitting down yourself)...

...but a couple of days ago, you took your first step. This is not the captured moment, but it shows your concentration on this task:

I took you to the medical school graduation, and you met the senior associate dean of medical education. He immediately began speaking to you in a Donald Duck voice. Charmer.


We also had your Very First Emergency Room Visit. You are fine. You kept trying to pull the pulse ox off of your big toe. This does not bode well for shoes.

We took you to the park, and you were not a fan of the grass. I never knew someone could scuttle up my knee with only one extremity touching the ground at a time, but I guess we all see something new everyday.

In a month, you'll be a year old. I am still using this baby app on my iPhone, and I remember when you were first born and it was all "Linnea Hatsumi turns 1 on Aug 6, 2013 in 360 days" and I was all like, "that shit is forever away" and now it says "Linnea Hatsumi turns 1 on Aug 6 2013 in 31 days" and I'm all like, "DAAAYYYYUMMMMM."

You are funny and sweet and laugh when I make animal noises and swing you around by your legs. Happy almost birthday, kiddo.

eleven months

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Linnea summer bucket list (2013)

  1. go swimming
  2. drink a milkshake
  3. eat blueberry pancakes
  4. go to the zoo
  5. make and play with play-doh
  6. go for a walk in a nature preserve

Day 331

Linnea developed some intermittent stridor after coming home from daycare, and with her recent fever and it being after hours, we took our first trip to the emergency room. Nothing is really wrong, but we'll be observing her for the next few days. And despite it being way past her bedtime, she charmed the hell out of the ED staff.