Velvet Gazebo

internet as a fundamental right

2012-01-21T08:00:00.000-08:00

I agree to the extent that I don't feel like trying to multiply fundamental rights, but I am also concerned that without the mechanism of free speech -- and the internet is becoming essentially *the* mechanism for free speech -- you don't have any way to get your fundamental rights. The fact that you can run a mimeograph in the basement may have been an important right back in 50 years ago, but it isn't going to do you much good to get your cause out now. I think there is implied in the freedom of speech concept a freedom to be allowed to be heard. It doesn't require me to listen, but it does at least allow you to make it possible for me to listen. And without internet access, I don't think you have free speech...And in the Constitution of 1787 it basically was the printing press that they intended to protect. When they talked about freedom of speech, they really meant pamphleteering. Poor Richard's Almanac, that sort of being able to keep a little red letterpress in your basement and run off things saying things like "the President is a schmuck!"

- Jerry Pournelle, This Week in Tech #335, discussing whether or not internet access is a human right.

"papa tomato says, 'ketchup'"

2012-01-09T20:30:00.000-08:00

I spent the last few weeks of the year transitioning from crazycrazy quarter close tasks (I now have a passing knowledge of test question validation) to a veg out vacation on the couch in Vegas. Whit and I have caught up with Game of Thrones. I'm now attempting to catch up with Downtown Abbey. I clearly have a weakness for costume dramas, political machinations, and intrigue.

I'm also slowly reclaiming things that I have lost touch with. Knitting. Photography. Reading. I've taken on one new fun thing for the new year, but trying to keep it a secret from my husband.

I would like to try this lemon curd tart recipe.
Also, FINALLY. A sauerkraut recipe that doesn't result in 4 gallons of fermented cabbage.
The deed and mortgage to my grandfather's property in Tallulah, Louisiana. Purchase price: $500.00. Purchase date: September 1945.
A really interesting debate on NYTimes.com about the pros and cons of classroom technology. I struggle with this quite a bit in my job since Stanford tends to be bleeding edge when it comes to innovation and technology, but doesn't always implement it in the most efficient way.
I am still cracking up over Elon James White's hate-tweeting of The Blind Side.

Wilco, "Art of Almost"

2011-12-12T17:00:00.000-08:00

Just when you think any other band would have given up and called it a song at about four minutes in, that's when it really just takes off.

- Bob Boilen (via Robin Hilton), discussing "Art of Almost" by Wilco. All Songs Considered, Discussion: The Year In Music, 2011 (December 7, 2011)

Bon Iver, "Holocene"

2011-11-29T16:00:00.000-08:00

Lots of things going on. New, exciting adventures. Fall is finally here, and the color breach against the dull, foggy mornings have made my bike commute something wonderful. I love both this song and video, and the idea of a coming winter.

thanksgiving dinner: plan of attack

2011-11-22T18:00:00.000-08:00

I like lists.

Chris McCaw artist talk, "Ride Into the Sun"

2011-11-19T01:00:00.000-08:00

Having missed the opening to his first solo show, I wanted to be sure to catch Chris McCaw's artist talk at the Stephen Wirtz gallery.

[Art people are strange to me. I haven't yet learned to talk about art like ART, so there's a lot of dissonance when I wind up among them. Also, many hats and turtlenecks.]

Chris was great. He's managed to figure out that middle ground in which he can interact with the ART/art crowd and yet talk about his work in an approachable way. Because he's such a laid-back guy, I half expect for him to talk about how he just set up a camera and let the result be a surprise, or decided on a whim to do something. No. Chris is thoughtful and deliberate in what he's doing. He knows what he wants to create in his mind, thinks about execution, and has multiple backups in case something goes wrong. I suppose this makes sense; some of the works from this show took about 10 hours (one reflects a full 24-hour cycle), and with a limited amount of usable time, large mistakes are probably not easy recoveries. I've actually not seen any of his newer work up close; seeing the burns and discoloration in the paper in person is quite fascinating. Because it seems so tactile, you kind of want to touch it, except you know the entire thing would crack in half.

The show is up through December 22.

31 rausch show post mortem

2011-11-14T22:30:00.000-08:00

I haven't yet posted about our group show at 31 rausch from a month ago.

show installation

I was familiar with some, but not all, of my co-participants' work, so it was exciting to see how different people's pieces were.

Colin

Dane

I wish I had taken more photos of everyone's work, but here's links to everyone with internet presence: Carola, Yoni, Dane, Colin, and Sarah. (Hayes and Whitney do not have sites to which to link).

Colin got really great photos of the opening itself. A surprising number of people showed up, and I was trying to do my ethnicity justice by overseeing the music. There was a little less mixing of the groups than I was expecting, but it was still really fun to meet lots of new people. And by "fun" I mean, "fun after I had been drinking whisky because I'm scared of strangers." I did get a chance to chat with one woman about paper making, which I enjoyed since it was more about the topic of the photo as opposed to any meaning behind it.

The show was written up as part of a digest of local SF art shows. Super appreciative to Chris McCaw for giving us this opportunity to show, and for being an all-around laidback dude.

As for my first non-FX exhibition, I feel like I spent more time being a nervous wreck than anything else. I was so, so anxious to put my work out there when I didn't feel that great about it (I'm not sure if this was a function of the work not being objectively good or the fact that I had been staring at and tweaking it constantly over the course of a week). Mainly, it has to do with the perspective that I don't think of myself as a Real Life Photographer (more of someone who can take good snapshots), and so it was hard to put myself in the company of folks whose work I admire, and who really do try to express themselves artistically. I have mixed feelings about whether or not I would do something like this again.

takedown

good morning

2011-11-14T18:00:00.000-08:00

It's become clear that I need to attend to my sourdough starter better; after letting it grow dormant in the fridge with infrequent feedings, I tried to bake with it this weekend. Although the yeast were still alive, they weakly struggled to produce enough carbon dioxide for the multiple rises. A process that should have taken 2 days ended up taking 3.5 and an early morning wakening to get it in the oven before work. But here they are!

週末の終わり

2011-11-13T22:30:00.000-08:00

Things accomplished this weekend:

fabricated my first chicken
made coq au vin
wound 550 yards of yarn
replaced my rear brake set on my bike
replaced by handlebar grips on my bike
walked 4.4 miles

heartsick

2011-11-10T22:00:00.000-08:00

While waiting in a bicycle shop yesterday, I watched as a mother try to push off her son (who looked to be about 9 years old). He was clinging to her, and she was explaining to him that he needed to wait there for his father, and no he couldn't go with her. The mom looked embarrassed at the spectacle, weakly joking with the bike shop mechanics if they had a spare bike lock that she could put on her kid. She then got of her phone and hissed at the person on the other end to GET HERE NOW. After completing my purchase, I headed out of the back door of the shop. There, I saw the kid kicking around sullenly behind the packing boxes with reddened eyes while his mom quickly backed out of the parking lot in her cream Mini Cooper. I wondered why the local bike shop was chosen as the location to change the divorced parents guard. And I also wondered why the mother couldn't wait with her son who clearly didn't want her to leave him there. What was so important that her child, who tried his hardest to wrap himself around his mother's thighs, had to be left alone among the cardboard trash?

I've been thinking about the child abuse scandal going down over at Penn State (not SEX scandal; as my friend Kahlil wrote, "sex occurs between consenting adults"). For the first time ever, I have devouring Deadspin, which is doing a fantastic job covering this story. I am watching people trying to reconcile their current way of life with this absolutely monstrous reveal. But was has resonated with me most is Matt Millen's interview on SportsCenter on Monday (starting around 04:20). You basically witness a man, attempting to keep his professional composure during the analysis, and getting crushed under the weight of the situation:

This segment of the interview almost broke my heart:

It makes you sick to see that this could happen to this level, if in fact it has happened...But this is more than just a program. This is more than a football legacy. This is about people. And if we can't protect our kids, we as a society are pathetic.

Going back to the top of this post, it's not like I thought that the kid behind the bike shop was going to be kidnapped by a sexual predator. However, this whole week makes me think of the slow decline of our society into thinking about people as disposable, and something to be left behind.

If you want to read the grand jury report that details all the incidents involving Jerry Sandusky (23 pages), it's both illuminating and horrifying.

2011-11-08T18:00:00.000-08:00

I don't think they've ever had a unified strategy. That's Google...the business is in beta.

Joshua Topolsky, This Week in Tech, Episode 326, "You Know What Frosts My Nuggets?" (November 6, 2011)

Education Nation 2.0 at Stanford University

2011-10-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

Designing an education that truly builds the necessary skills for today's enormously diverse student population is not easy. But it's the key to opportunity for our citizens, economic vitality for our nation, and to assuring the U.S. remains a world leader. There is hope: innovations and innovators that challenge the status quo; research to help us understand how to move the education needle; a virtual army of reformers experimenting with new ways to teach, learn, and run our public schools.

Panelists: Salman Khan, Cory Booker, John Hennessy, Kim Smith, Claude Steele, and Reed Hastings. Moderated by Charlie Rose.

Long, but worthwhile if you've got 91 minutes to spare.

sf camerawork on market

2011-10-23T14:30:00.000-07:00

Alicia Nogales (First Exposures' BFF) threw a small appreciation party for the mentors in SF Camerawork's new home on Market Street, so we were able to explore the still unfinished space before the official move.

It used to be the Singer sewing machine factory (manufacturing on the second floor, retail on the ground floor). The space still needs a lot of work, but the floors are done and the windows are incredible.

It was nice to see folks relaxing mid-week. For some reason, I got a ton of pictures of Carola.

First Exposures got a huge donation from Fujifilm, so we got to play around with the Instax 210 and some instant film.

We're pretty.

storytelling through translation

2011-10-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

This calls to mind the act of translation — shuttling from one world to another — which is in many ways the key to understanding Murakami’s work...When Murakami sat down to write his first novel, he struggled until he came up with an unorthodox solution: he wrote the book’s opening in English, then translated it back into Japanese. This, he says, is how he found his voice.

("The Fierce Imagination of Haruki Murakami", Sam Anderson)

This is my favorite fact about Murakami ever.

do you know the way to san jose?

2011-10-22T22:00:00.000-07:00

LAS to SJC. Saturday, 10.08.11. Instagram.

Jeff Altman: "Las Vegas, 1962"

2011-10-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my friend Patrick for sharing this with me. I can't help but be sad that out of all the casinos featured in this video, only three (Flamingo Hilton, Binion's, and Golden Nugget) are still around. I struggle with whether or not Las Vegas' obsession with tearing down its past is refreshing or tragic.

Las Vegas 1962 from Jeff Altman on Vimeo.

31 rausch photo show

2011-10-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

I'm in a group photo show at 31 rausch tonight. I'm showing some of my work from my Japan trip this past summer, and of course I'm second-guessing every single thing about it. But I'm showing with people I care about and admire, so at least it won't be a total flail.

wedding festivus: Ted and Whitney edition

2011-10-12T17:00:00.000-07:00

After multiple wine tastings, envelope and gift bag stuffing parties, and some friend and family drama, we all headed down to Los Gatos to watch Whitney and Ted get married.

Whitney and Ted chose a beautiful property in the Santa Cruz mountains called Nestldown. Our friend Les was the officiant, and he was adorably nervous prior to the ceremony (but trying not to show it). I watched him and Ted skip over the bridge, Wizard-of-Oz-style, on the way to the altar.

The whole time we were waiting for the bridal party to descend down the stairway, I watched Ted; he looked giddy and nervous. And when Whitney appeared at the bottom of the path, they both started smiling uncontrollably at each other. It was the sweetest thing.

Despite one small snafu with the rings, Les performed perfectly. Afterwards, the guests headed to cocktail hour. We had all been helping with the wine selection, but I made a beeline towards the beer line, because of this:

Mmm, delicious, delicious malts.

After dinner, Ted and Whitney took the floor. They had been taking swing dance lessons for the last few months, and choreographed something special for their first dance. Ted looked like he was concentrating so hard that he might blow a blood vessel. For some reason, that made me tear up a little.

I attempted to dance with Whit, Jay, and Les. Most of those were fails. I made friends with the photobooth guy. I played with Tevis' and Katrina's 10-week-old son. We were all convinced that the night was lasting forever, even though it was only 9:30 pm. Good times. Congratulations, Ted and Whitney.

wedding photobooth

2011-10-11T20:00:00.000-07:00

ginned up

2011-10-11T18:00:00.000-07:00

I could only muster the strength for one event during SF Cocktail week, and that was the St. George Spirits Bathtub Gin BBQ.

When we bought the ticket for the bus shuttle, we had no idea that "bus shuttle = party bus."

Every single person who stepped onto the bus was confused. And because we're all a bunch of Bay Area introverts, that meant that after expressing awkward shock, everyone immediately went nose-deep into their smartphones to tweet about it.

When we got to the distillery, people were already milling around, drinks in hand. I should say at this point, we had no idea what we were getting into. I thought it was just going to be gin tastings and food, which is similar to how our prior experience at St. George was. In reality, we were handed nine drink tickets, representing the nine gin cocktails that we were permitted to drink over the course of 3 hours. Did you get that? NINE gin cocktails over THREE hours.

I didn't drink all of mine; I mean, unless it was going to be a "St. George Spirits Slumber Party" there was no way I was going to consume that much alcohol and not feel terrible. Some people did not have that foresight. When Whit and I got to the BART station after the event, we saw a lady who only an hour before had been dancing up a storm, slumped over on the pavement with her companion, accompanied by BART police. As we waited for the train to take us down to Hayward, we heard the sound of an ambulance pull up to the station. Yikes.

Most other people seemed to manage their intake a little better, and the rest of the event was really enjoyable. The nine (nine? NINE.) cocktails served were:

Sidewinder (Eric Grenier, Luka's -- Dry rye gin, green chartreuse, Laird's applejack)
Rappaccini's Garden (Ayn Kirkendall, St. George Spirits -- Botanivore gin, cucumber, ginger beer)
The Swarthy Gentleman (Alex Conde, Hudson -- Dry rye gin, Velvet Falernum, tobacco tincture)
The Face of Boe (Dion Jardine, Acme Bar -- Botanivore gin, maraschino liqueur, Small Hands gum syrup)
Gin & Tonic (Kate August, Boot & Shoe -- Botanivore gin, homemade tonic, Seltzer Sister's seltzer)
St. G Gibson (Kate Hug, Studebaker Pickles -- Dry rye gin, Studebaker Pickles Perfect pearl onions)
Robin Wood (Marjan Simovics, Era Art Bar -- Terroir gin, green chartreuse, grapefruit, lime)
Salty Sakura (Melissa Lawton, Hibiscus -- Botanivore gin, Tempus Fugit Liqueur de Violettes, umeboshi, shiso leaf, brandied cherry)
Naked in the Rain (Brian McMillian, Sidebar -- Terroir gin, Tempus Fugit Kina, Tempus Fugit Liqueur de Violettes)

Other photos:

2011-10-05T17:30:00.000-07:00

Lots of great articles already.

Apple Visionary Steve Jobs Dies At 56
Jobs, Apple Co-Founder and Visionary, Is Dead
Technology's Great Reinventor: Steve Jobs (1955–2011)
Apple's Steve Jobs Is Dead
Steve Jobs Has Passed Away
Steve Jobs, 1955 – 2011

"The financial collapse encouraged the worst sort of behavior"

2011-10-05T07:30:00.000-07:00

This Fresh Air interview with Michael Lewis brought it like it's never been broughten. I thought I had a good idea of what has been happening in Europe, and then I emerged from the cave. Although after listening to this full interview, I kind of want to plunge back into darkness.

A couple of highlights:

[Goldman Sachs] lent the [Greek] government money without saying that's what they were doing. If you did this in the corporate world, a bunch of people would be put in jail. They helped the Greek government rig its books so that they looked acceptable to the European Union so they'd be admitted to the euro[zone]."

Wall Street, in recent years, seems to have become an engine of unfairness...[O]nce the Bush and Obama administrations decided that you couldn't let these firms fail and they didn't want the mess of nationalizing them, there was really only one way forward — and that way was to gift money onto these banks until they're back on their feet and can function at the center of the economy again. But that, to any normal person who is outside the system, just looks ridiculously unfair. It looks like socialism for capitalists and capitalism for everybody else.

Sing it, Lewis, sing it.

FX: first day with cameras

2011-10-03T22:00:00.000-07:00

downtown Vegas, 3.0

2011-10-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

Maybe I've been in California too long, but I'm suddenly hopeful for the revitalization of downtown Las Vegas. Do my city right, entrepreneurs.

Tony Hsieh: Downtown Project
"Zappos CEO's purchase of First Friday shocks Art District gallery owners"
Paul Carr: "Downtown Vegas: Where Better To Build A Company Than In A Giant Start-Up?"
Mike Arrington: "Delivering Happiness on a Jet Plane"

Khan Academy and Stanford medical school

2011-10-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

During the initial discussions around medical education reform, one model that's been kicked around is incorporating the Khan Academy format of moving didactic out of the classroom and protecting that time for more meaningful learning (discussions, projects, one-on-one, etc.). It looks like we've been moving ahead on this: Salman Khan came to Stanford and recorded a few videos with our faculty, including:

Andy Connolly (pathology of colon cancer)
Loren Baker (how physicians are paid, overview of health care systems)
Neil Gesundheit (intro to endocrinology)
Charles Prober (bacterial meningitis)
Swaminatha Mahadevan (radiology of the cervical spine)
Laura Bachrach (precocious puberty)
Abraham Verghese (ritual of the physical exam)

One of my former students, Morgan Theis, makes a few appearances as Sal Khan's mentee in this project.

Andy's four-part series on the evolution of colon cancer resonated with me personally, of course. Also, because when Sal Khan asks, "how can you tell the difference between the lymphocytes and the cancer cells?" Andy deadpans, "it's because I'm a pathologist."

GABF, then and now

2011-10-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

I'm not at the Great American Beer Festival this year, partially because tickets sold out while I was in Japan, and partly because I couldn't miss the Friday start to the course. I am shedding a tear at all the delicious beers that I'm not tasting, but it's a nice testament to how popular the craft beer movement has become. Here's a chart detailing GABF then and now (via GABF site, created by Joey McDaniel).

FX field trip: SFMOMA and Yerba Buena

2011-09-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

For our second FX class, we did another icebreaker (people bingo - my favorite), and then headed around the corner to the SFMOMA to check out a great photography show called Face of Our Time.

(I had seen most of the Richard Misrach project from his presentation at SF Camerawork almost a year ago. The Jim Goldberg work were amazing; I still can't get some of those images out of my head.)

Afterwards, the students interviewed each other. Because we have two separate classes for digital and film, even students who had been in the program for a while didn't really know other students if they had been in different venues. The new mentors and students already so engaged with the program, which rubbed off on the older mentors and students; everyone was just totally open to the whole experience of the day.

First Exposures 2011: day one

2011-09-29T15:00:00.000-07:00

In the middle of getting my course shined up for the new academic year, First Exposures started again. I missed it.

Jenesh is back, and this will be our last year together. She's come back from the summer calm, focused, and thoughtful about the year ahead. While I was worried about her running herself ragged on the same academic treadmill that I was on at her age, she seems to have been able to step back and assert herself in surprising ways. I will never ceased to be amazed at not only how quickly these students can change, but that they can change to be even more awesome than they were before.

Naomi is also back this year as a junior mentor. It's so rewarding to interact with her again, this time as an adult. Since she's been away from the program for a few years, she doesn't know many of the newer students and mentors, and she wound up clinging to me a bit as she navigated the altered landscape. Because it's Naomi, however, it took her approximately 4 minutes to make friends with almost everyone.

We did our usual first class icebreaking.

First project: create a photo story using our shoes (one of the younger students deadpanned, "who comes up with this stuff?!" which broke up the entire group with laughter).

The program has really been stretching itself out of the regular comfort zone. The students we've been taking on have all had their own unique challenges, but that reaffirms that what we do is good and important and necessary. I give a lot of props to Erik for keeping the mission vital and adaptable. This will be a great year.

bluesy version of "Ace of Spades"

2011-09-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

Watching this "making of" video of Motörhead recording a slowed-down, bluesy version of "Ace of Spades" (aka, my iPhone's favorite song) makes this commercial more bearable. Via Laughing Squid.

Abraham Verghese, "A Doctor's Touch" (TED)

2011-09-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

Atul Gawande, "Personal Best"

2011-09-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

My cheeks burned; I was mortified. I wished I’d never asked him along. I tried to be rational about the situation—the patient did fine. But I had let Osteen see my judgment fail; I’d let him see that I may not be who I want to be.

This is why it will never be easy to submit to coaching, especially for those who are well along in their career. I’m ostensibly an expert. I’d finished long ago with the days of being tested and observed. I am supposed to be past needing such things. Why should I expose myself to scrutiny and fault-finding?

Atul Gawande has a nice piece in the upcoming New Yorker on the potential value (and concerns) of coaching for non-athletes. We've been kicking around the idea of professional coaching for trainees (students and residents) in our medical education reform discussions, but it's interesting to see the idea applied to already practicing physicians and teachers as a parallel to elite athletes: yes, you're the best, but how do you become even better?

It's interesting that Gawande couches this experience in terms of getting better results, defined for him as fewer surgical complications and errors. Errors in medicine mean death and disfigurement. They mean lawsuits. They mean an erosion of the trust of your patient. The messaging here is to open yourself up to the scrutiny of errors in the quest of making fewer. Discomfort now for a higher purpose later, which is basically the story of becoming a doctor in the first place.

The hardest thing that we teach the students to do is how to say, "I don't know the answer to that." That lesson becomes harder and harder the further along in their training the students travel. It's almost as they learn how capricious the human body can be, they need to instill some certainty into their lives in order to function. In decision-making, that's a help and a hindrance. And if that hindrance is poor patient outcomes, then we owe it to society to push for uncomfortable critique even for the experts because the rewards are absolutely worth it.

2011-09-26T13:34:00.000-07:00

These are your friends, five gin cocktails into your Sunday afternoon.

ward shadowing vocabulary list

2011-09-26T12:00:00.000-07:00

vasculopath: patient with significant vascular disease or disease risk factors.
heparin bridge: when patients on warfarin (oral anti-coagulant) need to go into surgery, the warfarin is stopped due to bleeding risk, but heparin (IV anti-coagulant) is given instead to prevent blood clots.
capsule capture: way to record images of the digestive tract for use in medicine, in which the patient swallows a small capsule that contains a tiny camera.
TEE: trans-esophageal echocardiogram.
pseudomonas: gram-negative, rod-shaped bacteria recognized as an emerging opportunistic pathogen of clinical relevance.
po: per os, by mouth.
lisinopril: ACE-inhibitor used to treat hypertension, congestive heart failure, heart attacks, and renal and retinal complications of diabetes. Increases serum creatinine due to unknown impact on kidney function.
stimulant vs. standing laxative: a standing laxative softens the stool or otherwise makes it easier for the stool to move through the intestine more easily. A stimulant laxative causes the intestine the contract, increasing the movement of the bowel.
DPOA: durable power of attorney
linezolid: antibiotic alternative to vancomycin, "reserve antibiotic." Expensive, but can be taken orally without adjustment in dosage.
TIPS: transjugular intrahepatic portosystemic shunt
ERCP: endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography. Used for both diagnostic (e.g., diagnosing conditions of the bile duct) and therapeutic reasons (e.g., removal of gallstones). Invasive. Main risk is pancreatitis.
MRCP: magnetic resonance cholangiopancreatography. Used to visualize biliary and pancreatic ducts; however, cannot remove stones if seen at the time. Non-invasive.
HIDA: hepatobiliary iminodiacetic acid scan. Nuclear imaging procedure to evaluate the health and function of the gallbladder.
cholangitis: infection of the common bile duct or biliary tract.
cholecystitis: inflammation of the gall bladder.
C. diff: Clostridium difficile, gram-positive bacteria that causes severe diarrhea and other intestinal disease when competing bacteria in the gut flora have been wiped out by antibiotics.

"this is an atypical day"

2011-09-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

When the first year medical students took their first standardized patient assessment last week, one theme that emerged from the debrief was that their level of skill was not deserving of the white coat that we make them wear. We try to explain to them that by virtue of starting the training, they are already becoming acculturated to the identity of being a physician, and instead of feeling unworthy, they should instead work as hard as they can to become worthy to their patients.

I should have taken my own advice as I crept into the hospital today to shadow my first ward team.

There are lots of perks to my job. One is free, informal medical care. Another, however, is that I can contact almost any of the physicians I work with and say things like, "hey, would you mind if I shadowed you on rounds some morning?" and the answer is almost always yes. I have never taken advantage of this in the past, for a tangential reason that the students touch on: while I will never receive a white coat during my tenure, I feel unworthy to be another body taking up space in the business of saving lives. However, I apparently know enough to not to be annoying to either patients or the team, and so I sat still while the attending listened to presentations by the interns.

I've worked with Jackie for at least five years, and it's interesting to see how similar she is in "doctor" mode to her "teacher" mode. She still uses "fantastic" to describe information that she's happy about, and still asks a lot of related questions to check fund of knowledge of her team. However, instead of feeling extraneous, like it sometimes does in the classroom, it feels encouraging in the hospital setting. While the patient should be and is the most important thing in the presentations, I found myself heartened by the fact that she still tried to push the team's knowledge and give them something of value to take away from the session.

During the second patient round, I found myself looking around at a familiar setting. Same bed, same tray with toothpaste, same NG tube suction device on the wall. It was strange to think of myself on the other side of my dad's hospitalization. Now I was the one who knew what was being talked about right outside a patient's door, or that the seven minutes that was spent at the patient's bedside was easily tripled just in discussing the patient's current status, assessment, and plan behind the locked door of the ward room. Stanford is nice because they had set up an actual folding bed in the patient's room on which her husband could sleep, instead of tacitly allowing him to sleep on the floor by her bed, which is how my mom and I spent our nights after my dad's sugeries. I was touched by that foresight in resources.

I took pages of notes, mostly jargon and acronyms that I wanted to look up later. The medical student on the team, who I knew pretty well, spend some time explaining terms to me. I think he was grateful to flip the role to teacher for a little while. While we were visiting the third patient, we ran into another med student. One of this team's patients had been transferred to her team's care, so she gave an update on the fly. This was the second unexpected hand-off of information, the first being a quick conversation by the elevators with another attending about how to proceed with another patient's treatment plan. I was impressed with the sheer amount of information that gets transferred, in both formal and informal ways.

Of course, no walkarounds with strangers could be complete without a comment on my hair, which occurred in the final patient's room.

"I love your hair," the patient's roommate murmured. I usually give a part-humble, part-magnanimous response, but I knew that she didn't need another strange person in her room patronizing her when she just wanted to get home. I thanked her shyly, and tried to press my body into the wall to stay out of the way.

SF Opera: "Turandot"

2011-09-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

As part of our attempt to be more adult-like, Whit and I went to see the SF Opera production of Turandot by Giacomo Puccini.

photo courtesy of SF Opera // Cory Weaver

The only other opera I've seen was The Daughter of the Regiment, which was a comedy. Puccini does not equal comedy. This is the beginning of Act I:

In a quarter swarming with people near the Forbidden City, a Mandarin reads an edict: any prince seeking to marry Princess Turandot must answer three riddles - and if he fails, he will die. Her latest suitor, the Prince of Persia, is to be executed at the rise of the moon. Bloodthirsty citizens urge the executioner on...

Cheery.

The two leads, Iréne Theorin and Marco Berti, were strong (although Berti was pretty stiff in the expression department). However, they were both totally upstaged by Leah Crocetto as Liu: she blew the audience away during her solos, and received the most energetic appreciation during the curtain call.

The most famous song from this opera is "Nessun Dorma," which has been sung by basically every tenor, including this guy. But no one does it like Pavoratti (who played his first Calef with SF Opera in 1977):

"a wild and crazy guy"

2011-09-14T11:00:00.000-07:00

This was no longer an experiment. I felt a huge responsibility not to let people down. Arenas of 20,000 and three-day gigs of 45,000 were no place to try out new material. I dabbled with changes, introducing a small addition or mutation here and there. But they were swallowed up by the echoing, cavernous venues. Though the audiences continued to grow, I experienced a concomitant depression caused by exhaustion, isolation, and creative ennui...The hour and a half I spent performing was still fun, but there were no band members, no others on stage, and after the show, I took a solitary ride back to the hotel, where I was speedily escorted by security across the lobby. A key went in a door, and boom: the blunt interior of a hotel room. Nowhere to look but inward.

I just finished Steve Martin's Born Standing Up, in which he discusses the nascence, evolution, and ultimate disengagement with his stand-up comedy career. Awesome, honest read.

Tori Amos, Night Of Hunters

2011-09-13T20:00:00.000-07:00

Oh my god, dudes. Tori Amos has a new album coming out on September 20, and it's currently steaming over at NPR Music. From the album release announcement:

“It’s a 21st century song cycle inspired by classical music themes spanning over 400 years. I have used the structure of a song cycle to tell an ongoing, modern story. The protagonist is a woman who finds herself in the dying embers of a relationship. In the course of one night she goes through an initiation of sorts that leads her to reinvent herself allowing the listener to follow her on a journey to explore complex musical and emotional subject matter. One of the main themes explored on this album is the hunter and the hunted and how both exist within us.”

The idea that Tori Amos could create an album that incorporates variations on classical themes (examples include "Nocturne Op. 9 No. 1" by Chopin and "Sonata in F minor K. 466" by Scarlatti) while simultaneously generating and sustaining an album-centered storyline just reaffirms that this woman is a musical genius.

The video for the first single, "Carry," was released on August 17.

Here's an interview and a "behind-the-scenes" look at the making of the album.

Stanford LGBT medical education research group = rock stars

2011-09-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

In 2009, a group of Stanford medical students undertook the tremendous task of surveying and analyzing the LGBT education curriculum in U.S. and Canadian medical schools. And this week, their research has been published in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

The good news is that this publication has been accompanied by tons of awesome press:

Stanford Medicine press release
Mitch Lunn interview with news@JAMA
ABC News story with Juno Obedin-Maliver
NPR story with Juno
KQED news (with soundbite from Elizabeth Goldsmith)

Now, the bad news:

Most US medical schools report dedicating only 5 hours to educate physicians-to-be about the health needs of patients who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT)...And about one-third offer no such clinical training at all.

Well, crap.

I'm not going to get too heavy into medical school curriculum reform in this blog post, but I will say that yes, this topic is important. There are also lots of other topics that medical schools are not covering. They are all important, because the stakes (the patient) are so high. However, the current model of medical education (the "2+2" model -- 2 years of preclinical education, 2 years of clinical experience) doesn't allow space for adding in everything that needs to be there. Medical school is stuffed to the brim, and many programs are grappling with how to restructure and overhaul their curricula. So, even though the amount of education about LGBT patients should be increased, it's not as simple as saying, "let's just add an additional 15 hours into the mix." There's not an easy fix to any of this. Hooray, future physicians!

homonym atrocities

2011-09-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

There's something asinine about people who make corrections in library books. The person is probably saying to him/herself, "well, I would hate for the next person who read this book to get 'they're' and 'their' mixed up in this sentence and disrupt their literary experience" but what the person really thinks is, "next person, look at how intelligent I am!" It's the bookworm's humblebrag.

[Los Altos library copy of Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach]

"if I'm not dead in 24 hours, it's safe"

2011-09-06T23:00:00.000-07:00

While I was visiting Vegas two weeks ago, my parents made the decision to visit Northern California for Labor Day weekend. I think we were all a little nervous, because my dad's health has been swinging towards the non-ambulatory side of the spectrum, but it turns out that being in the cool California weather (with multiple trips to markets bursting with summer produce) does a body good. All the back and leg pain he had been complaining of over the last few months magically disappeared for the four-day trip.

It's strange to be the adult that you had always hoped your parents would treat you as. My parents were always good about not babying me, but this is the first time that they've spent time in my grown-up world. There's a subtle shift, an implicit trust that I am not going to suddenly screw up my life.

Highlights of the trip included:

Heirloom tomato and peach stock-up at the farmers' market.
Whole crabs at Fisherman's Wharf.
Multiple family movie nights (To Catch A Thief at the Stanford; All About Eve at the hotel; Giant at the apartment).
Wonton soup and stir-fry dishes at the local Chinese noodle house.
Successful chocolate cake baked for Whit's birthday (this recipe is boss).
Mom proclaiming my homemade umeshu "oishii," and then trying to sneak all the plums into her mouth.
Wine tasting at Picchetti, accompanied by peacocks.

missus cellophane

2011-09-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

My friend Jen Henry held her most recent fashion show at the Royal Resort my last night in Vegas. Jen has her own vintage clothing shop, but is becoming more known for her elaborate cellophane dress designs. There are far better photos of the actual dresses, but after the show one of her models decided to showcase her synchronized swimming skills in the hotel pool.

SSPS end-year celebration

2011-09-01T18:00:00.000-07:00

I'm the unofficial photographer for the Stanford Society of Physician Scholars, meaning that I occasionally get emails from the organizers asking if I'm free to photograph a particular event. I'm happy to oblige, because it's a way to grow my experience in event photography without the anxiety of high expectations.

This week, I shot the end-year celebration for the group, which was combined with an awards ceremony for collaboration projects with medical students. I wound up with a free fleece vest out of the deal. Perks!

Vegas trip

2011-09-01T11:30:00.000-07:00

Having been told to burn through another 25.17 hours of vacation before August 31, I opted for a long weekend trip back home prior to the school year starting. Whit joined me for a couple of days, and we did a couple of tourist things (walkthrough the Bellagio conservatory, drinks at a lounge, and his first Cirque du Soleil show).

For some reason, I wasn't super inspired to pull out my Nikon for photos, so most here is off of my phone.

"I can hear this beat it fills my head up"

2011-08-29T18:00:00.000-07:00

Now that I have a Spotify account, I've been catching up on music that I should have been listening to a long time ago. The TRON: Legacy soundtrack by Daft Punk has been getting me through this Monday. So has "Drumming Song" by Florence + The Machine -- on repeat.

"The bike gives suffering a purpose"

2011-08-28T10:00:00.000-07:00

“After the war, the people where I’m from really worked a lot,” [Sibo] said, and added, “To get out of the past, I think the only way is to work"...Being on Team Rwanda made him a star to the people in his village—not because it made him different, he said, but because his effort made him familiar. “They know that I suffer a lot. It’s more like they have pity for me, and they know that if I’ve earned something it’s because I worked too hard.”

The paradox is that in the name of putting the genocide behind them Rwandans have had it held constantly in front of them, as a warning of the perils of divided identity...it is not enough simply to coexist and to bury the memory of the slaughter; there is a need to make the idea of being Rwandan have greater value.

“This is the land of second chances."

Very thoughtful article in the New Yorker on the Rwandan cycling team.

teenage angst in search form

2011-08-26T13:00:00.000-07:00

Whit and I got into a debate earlier this week on whether or not science could prove anything (we ended in a stalemate related to "theoretical proof versus practical proof"). I thought I'd do some follow up research, and wound up with the following Google related search suggestions. The last one is especially emo.

"we did everything with reckless abandon"

2011-08-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

I quit my job the day that that came out. I was cutting onions and potatoes as a short-order cook for this 50s-style restaurant chain. I would walk 12 blocks to work everyday, from West Philadelphia to the University of Pennsylvania, where the restaurant was. Before Nation of Millions, I would usually show up five minutes late...But when I bought that album, my entire walk changed. I wound up getting to work 20 minutes early, simply because you almost had to walk to the bpms of what you were listening to. And by the time that I got there, I just made it to "Show 'Em Whatcha Got" and, at work, I couldn't stop singing that sampled horn line from the Lafayette Afro Rock Band. I went on my lunch break and was just like, "Fuck it, I'm not going back to work." So I went to 7-Eleven, purchased about four Duracell batteries, and sat in a park from about 1 p.m. until about 6 p.m., just listening to that record.

- ?uestlove, on how It Takes A Nation of Millions affected him when he first heard it

Killer interview over at Pitchfork with ?uestlove from The Roots. As always, his alternative role as hip-hop griot is solid.

"I lift my hands and give God thanks at working in the shade"

2011-08-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

My aunt Lucille is featured in this Las Vegas Review Journal article about black women working in Las Vegas during the 1950s and 1960s (in reaction to the release of The Help). Lucille came to Vegas from Tallulah, LA when she was 23 years old; she, like my dad, made money as a child picking cotton in the fields.

android wedding cake toppers

2011-08-18T22:00:00.000-07:00

(Photos via Bridal Rehab via NOTCOT)

My friends Cindy and Nathan's adorably geeky wedding cake toppers made the blog rounds. They were designed by Andrew Bell.

Summer 2011: Angel Island

2011-08-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

Back in February, I managed to book a site on Angel Island for August 13-14. I had been hoping to do more camping/backpacking trips this summer, but unless I get organized quickly, this might be the only one for the season.

You can either take the ferry from San Francisco or Tiburon. We decided on the latter because a) parking was easier and cheaper, and b) we wanted to end the weekend with brunch at Sam's Anchor Cafe.

I had been the Angel Island in the past for an FX field trip, but this was my first time camping there. Whit, Les, and Dina had never been there before.

I spent a lot of time researching the sites, and settled on East Bay Site #2 (sheltered from wind, in a small pine grove). Each site has potable water, picnic tables, a raccoon box, and a charcoal grill (campfires are no longer allowed on the island after a massive fire took out about 380 acres in 2008).

After the last ferry leaves (around 5:30 pm), the rangers and overnighters have the entire island to themselves. We had more than enough food, and apparently more than enough wine; Les picked up a pouch of Clif wine that turned out to be 2 bottles-worth. We finished that off before climbing Mount Livermore.

At night, I got teased over my paranoia about raccoons (because Kirby Cove memories made my eyelid twitch). Fortunately, there was only one guy who kept creeping up to the edge of our campsite, but would run away when we got up. There was no crazy gnashing of earplugs keeping us awake throughout the night. Also: no foghorns. Hooray!

In the morning, we took a walk down to Fort McDowell. I have those photos in a separate post, but I will say that the other members of my group were taken by surprise about how awesome those buildings are.

My tips:

Try to get an East Bay site; those tend to be more sheltered from the wind. However, when I say "sheltered," I don't mean "zero" -- we got a fair amount throughout the night, which I kept thinking were raccoons tearing my sanity to pieces.
Bug spray, bug spray, bug spray.
This is backpacking. You will need a backpack. Whit, for some reason (maybe due to his jet lag/sleep deprivation), made this trip with a small backpack and a duffel. This was not fun to walk with for 2.5 miles.
I would err on hiking shoes/boots over sneakers. I went with the latter for this trip, and although it was OK (the terrain is not too crazy), I think I would have been comfortable with the former.
Headlamps, lanterns, other light sources are always welcome to this party.
Everything will take longer than you think in terms of walking: down to the buildings, down to the trail, down to the port to catch the ferry back.

All in all, it was a fun trip. Camping lady says: DO IT.

Fort McDowell, Angel Island

2011-08-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

I'd been to Fort McDowell before, but here are some newer photos, with my new lens (thanks, Whit!):

picture book

2011-08-09T17:00:00.000-07:00

Both my parents are the creative sort -- my dad with music, and my mom with art. When I was younger, I felt like I had to choose between the two, so I decided to do art classes for a couple of years and then music for the next. My mom used to critique my drawings dispassionately and "correct" my projects (as in, draw over them to show how they could be better). I stayed with music for the rest of my adolescence. My mom acknowledged that although I was good at music, I would never be great. She also flatly declared that I could have been great at art had I kept at it. Tiger moms really build a special kind of character.

I decided in adulthood I would try to explore more of the "art" side of things -- ceramics, photography, and finally a reintroduction to drawing. I took a class at the local adult school. I really hated my teacher; she was the type to keep talking through the drawing session, and never really let us draw in contemplative silence. I also openly resented the push to draw true-to-life. My thinking was, if I wanted something that looked like reality, I would take a photo of it. This is because I hate failing at things. Also, I am a brat. Also, I was going to label this post Peter Keating.

Poor Whit (who took almost as many art classes as physics major classes in undergrad) bore the brunt of my insecurities. When he would gently try to guide me towards blind contour technique, I wept in frustration. I could only endure that class for a semester. These are the some of the landscape drawings from my sketchbook.

"Bow down, brother pay homage / don’t spill hate all on my garments"

2011-08-09T10:00:00.000-07:00

He no longer needs to surprise us, he simply needs to file annual updates reminding us that, after all, he’s Jay-Z and you’re not.

- Greg Kot, album review of Watch the Throne

"I never saw myself in a place like this"

2011-08-06T14:00:00.000-07:00

I've been catching up on Mad Men, and finished Season 3 late last night. Holy hell, this show is fantastic.

I love this quote:

Anabelle: You were the one.
Roger: You weren't.

(All images from the AMC show website).

"that is just too many socks"

2011-08-05T09:30:00.000-07:00

Occasionally, being a regular at a bar has perks beyond friendly conversations with other regulars and brutally honest recommendations from the bartenders. The Rose and Crown's July brewery night was with Lagunitas Brewing Company. I wound up sitting next to the brewery representative, Jack, who is a totally cool and laid-back dude. Rachel was busy working the bar, but when I let Jack know that Rachel had never been to Lagunitas, he immediately invited her to an event at the brewery on Tuesday. When he said that she could bring someone with her, she turned to me and asked, "feel like taking the afternoon off?" Tuesday found us (along with Jay, who was also free) heading across the Golden Gate Bridge to Petaluma.

We met up with Jack in the parking lot, and after he introduced us to everyone around (including Tony Magee, the founder), he escorted us upstairs to the tasting room. It has an interesting design aesthetic.

People came in and out of the room, but we shyly clung to our ales and orange couch. Most everyone seemed to know each other from prior events. Jack kindly pulled us into another group for a tasting of A Little Sumpin' Wild.

Even though the brewery is going through a $9.5 million renovation, Jack was able to finagle a tour. Lagunitas is trying to up their production from 100,000 barrels to 600,000 by 2012. I did not get photos of the "amphitheater," which is currently a mound of dirt next to the beer sanctuary, but I did get some fried pickles.

All in all, it was a fun day, with truly awesome people.

baseball moronathon

2011-08-02T06:00:00.000-07:00

Saturday included a trip to Oakland Coliseum to a) participate in the Oakland A's Beerfest, and b) watch the Minnesota Twins get trounced.

Let me just start this off by saying that the Beerfest was one of the more poorly organized events to which I have ever been. Getting our glasses necessitated standing in line for an hour, and people became pretty peeved when another group decided to just form their own line and cut in front of about 50 people (and no one was listening to the poor official trying to correct it). The Eastside Club was so packed that I inadvertently molested at least 14 people. The pours, however, were quite generous. And despite the clusterfuck, most people stayed cheerful and good-natured.

The game was a little less exciting.

Minnesota fans, after being burned by the Vikings for at least 13 years, kept up a refrained optimism. The experience was livened up at least for a few minutes by the hot chocolate vendor, who bellowed his wares as "sweet, delicious, chocolatey rip-off!" We also became a magnet for single and duo Twins fans to embroil in extremely polite and mild-mannered conversations.

Minnesota is now second-to-last in the worst division of MLB. Luckily, they have approximately 3,700 games left in the season to correct this.

first broadcast of MTV (happy 30th birthday!)

2011-08-01T17:00:00.000-07:00

First 10 minutes of MTV, on August 1, 1981. Via Open Culture.

FX summer field trip: Fort Funston

2011-07-31T21:30:00.000-07:00

It was great to see the FX crew again after 2 months. We took a summer trip to Fort Funston.

Do you see how beautiful that path down to the beach looks? Is the experience as beautiful and fun going up as it is going down? Hint: it is not.

Activities for the day included: throwing a nerf football; playing jump rope with a giant length of kelp; searching the shore for jade and sea glass; avoiding washed-up jellyfish; playing with joyful dogs; gawking at the hang gliders. Life is hard.

"bringing nothing to the party"

2011-07-31T15:00:00.000-07:00

The distrust of outsiders -- particularly reporters; even bloggers -- isn't because the people of Las Vegas are mean; in fact everyone I met was as warm-hearted as the people I've met in any town in America. It's because every month another journalist or filmmaker comes into their small town and writes the same story, or makes the same movie...Those writers mention the wedding chapels (ho ho ho), but not the museums; they meet the comedy mayor but not the people actually making a difference downtown. And then they fuck off and leave the good people of Las Vegas to continue worrying about their mortgages, or their kids' schooling or their jobs.

For whatever reason, I completely missed Paul Carr's series on staying in Vegas for 33 days. Catching up now, starting with the epilogue and prologue.

I would have also added this: Vegas locals are also antagonistic towards tourists and short-termers because despite all of the above, we still need them to make our town run. The cynicism isn't because we are wretched, bitter people. The cynicism is because we have to continually shuck and jive for people who do not nor will ever care about us. And that's a hard thing to explain to your kids.

Japan 2011: Saitama

2011-07-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

I spent quite a bit of time this trip with my relatives, including a long stretch in Ogawamachi, Saitama-ken. It takes about 90 minutes from Tokyo by train to get there, and is considered inaka (country).

I initially felt a little apprehension going into this part of the trip. My uncle had extended an open-ended invitation to stay there, and I tried to parse that the best I knew how. Because he's Japanese, I couldn't tell what exactly "however long you want" meant. If I stayed too long, I would become an inconvenience. If I left too soon, I would be ungrateful. Finally, I called my mom.

"Stay as long as you can," she said. She was at work, and I could hear the slot machines in the background. "If you leave, they'll think they aren't good enough." I love my Americanized Japanese mother.

It turns out that it was a good thing I stayed for most of the week; my experience in Saitama transitioned from "let's do lots of day trips and activities!" to "let's just live our daily lives" over the course of six days. At the end of the trip, I was allowed to help with meal prep (which guests are not permitted to do but close friends and family are). My uncle and aunt cried when I left, which was touching and surprising. I wasn't as close with my older uncle and his family, so I was really blessed to have this chance to get to know them.

Side trips:

1. Karuizawa is a small mountain resort in Nagano, which had the most beautiful homes that I've ever seen in Japan. It's also home to the Mampei Hotel, which (as the hotel rarely ceases to remind you) is where John Lennon spent four straight summers. I was more excited by the hotel's guest registry in the museum:

(Next to "5/23" date is the sign-in by Mishima Yukio. My modern Japanese literature nerdface grinned).

We took a long walk around the town, and then went to the Karuizawa Prince Shopping Plaza, which is supposed to be an outlet mall, but is actually Mount Olympus.

2. Washi-no-sato. Ogawamachi considers itself one of the birthplaces of washi, or traditional Japanese papermaking. My aunt took me to the paper making museum. The workspace was pretty empty on a Thursday morning, which meant I could wander around and take photos.

The grounds are beautiful and peaceful, and being Japan, of course boasts an on-site udon noodle shop.

Ridge Vineyards

2011-07-29T08:00:00.000-07:00

My friend Evan has a membership with Ridge Vineyards, and so invited a group of us up to the Monte Bello estate for lunch and tastings. Evan usually stops at Ridge as part of the Montebello Road cycling ride. The location has pretty so-so views:

The wine was kind of interesting; none of the varietals smelled or tasted how I expected them to. The chardonnays were melony and crisp; the cab had an almost absent aroma; the syrah was more sweet than peppery. A more reasonable explanation, however, is that I don't know that much about wine. Ridge's Cabernet Sauvignon placed 5th in the 1976 "Judgement of Paris" wine competition, so I assume the winemakers know better than me.

There's a short path from the picnic area/tasting room level to the top of the mountain. From there, you can see the entire mid-peninsula. I would like to build a tiny treehouse there, please.

sick day

2011-07-28T09:45:00.000-07:00

I messed up my back (again), so I'm spending extremely still quality time with my hot water bottle, ibuprofen, and Mad Men.

NY Times: "Think Like A Doctor" series

2011-07-23T15:00:00.000-07:00

One of my former students and TAs was featured in the NY Times "Think Like A Doctor" series. This series presents a "medical mystery" and invites readers to submit their best diagnosis based on the presenting information. The "solution" is posted the next day, highlighting the first reader to correctly guess the diagnosis. Tress is now an emergency room attending in Washington, D.C., and she submitted the initial mystery case.

Lady Gaga, "Edge of Glory" (acoustic)

2011-07-23T11:30:00.000-07:00

This acoustic version of "Edge of Glory" won over both Howard Stern and my husband.

Japan 2011: Family

2011-07-19T18:00:00.000-07:00

My favorite part of this trip was being able to spend so much time with my family. Met my second cousins for the first time (well, I had met Hinako before, but she was about 18 months old and therefore has no recollection of me). I stayed in Kofu for 2 days, and Ogawamachi for about 6 days with each of my uncles' families.

I can't even wrap my mind around how grateful I am that my family treats me like family, instead of a gaijin. If you've spent any amount of time in Japan, you should have picked up that foreigners are treated spectacularly different, and if you've spent even more time there, you will have come up against the frustration of being friended, but never truly integrated, into Japanese culture. When my three-year old cousin Kotaro grabbed my hand while exploring my grandmother's house, I nearly teared up. Both he and his sister call me "Madika oneechan" (older sister) which is what their mother used to call me when we were children.

I also got to hang out a bit with my older uncle's children as well. Takuya is living down in Kansai, and Kiyoteru is married with a one-year old. It took me about 2 days to really understand that it's been 10 years, and the shy teenagers that I remembered had magically turned into adults.

I hadn't been to my older uncle's house since I first arrived in Japan in September 2001. September 11, 2011, to be exact. Kiyoteru was the one who broke the news that what I was seeing on the television was not a movie. Good times. And now my uncle with a puppy.

おめでとう、Japan

2011-07-17T20:03:00.000-07:00

The Nadeshiko defeat the U.S. 2(3)-2(1) in the 2011 FIFA Women's World Cup.

Japan 2011: Baird Brewing

2011-07-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

Because my friend Jason can't walk two (long-strided) steps without tripping over a beer contact, I managed to finagle a tag-a-long to Baird Brewery in Numazu my first day in Japan.

We met with head brewer Chris Poel, who gave us a tour of the brewing facilities. Among the group, I was definitely the one who knew the least, so I tried to stay out of the way and just take photos.

Baird has four taprooms -- one in Numazu, two in Toyko, and one in Yokohama. After the tour, we went to the Numazu one to try the beers.

I had the Single-Take Session Ale, Red Rose Amber Ale, and Angry Boy Brown Ale; however, because at this point I had been awake for about 32 hours, I was so tired I can barely remember what the latter two beers tasted like. While chatting with Chris, I felt my face drop, which he also noticed. Despite my desire not to fall asleep on the couch (because, really, what Japanese business needs a gaijin crashed out in the corner?), I wound up napping for about an hour.

I did taste some of Rachel and Jason's selections, which included an IPA that I didn't hate. The session ale was super drinkable. I did feel terrible about not being entirely present for the taproom; Jason and I wound up going to the Harujuku taproom my second-to-last night in Japan so that I could try the brown ale again (it was delicious).

Jason and Rachel diptych

2011-07-16T08:00:00.000-07:00

Combination of mine and Rachel's photos.

White House virtual town hall: disability policy

2011-07-15T17:00:00.000-07:00

My friend Becca works for the White House as the Director of Priority Placement for Public Engagement in the Presidential Personnel Office, and totally kicks ass as a person. I could seriously listen to her speak for 3 months straight about any topic. Her kid is also crazy adorable.

Becca participated in a virtual town hall with Kareem Dale and Jeff Crowley to respond to questions about the government's disability policy. Their bios are found here.

Japanese grammar I have known and loved

2011-07-15T09:00:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, I received my masters in East Asian Studies, primarily focusing on prewar Japanese literature and history. I did quite a bit of translation in my second year, and thus, my Japanese grammar skills were quite good. Unfortunately, my subsequent non-use of Japanese on an everyday basis has resulted in a lot of language atrophy (one phrase that I've committed to memory is "zenbu wasurechatta" -- I've forgotten everything).

I do recall some things, albeit randomly. For example, I must repeatedly look up how to say "medical school" (ikadaigaku, 医科大学) in order to describe my job; however, I have no problem remembering how to say "vending machine" (jidouhanbaiki, 自動販売機).

There are also particular grammatical constructions that I'm relieved to know have stuck around (examples from movies quotes).

1. Asking permission to do something (~te mo ii desu ka).
"Mother, may I sleep with danger?" Okaasan, rokudenashi to netemo ii desu ka? // お母さん、ろくでなしと寝てもいいですか？

2. Indicating whether or not you've had experience doing something (~koto ga arimasu/arimasen).
"Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?"　Joey, Toruko no keimusho ni itta koto arimasu ka? // ジョーイ、トルコの刑務所に行ったことありますか？

3. Saying that you must do something (~kereba narimasen).
"I must break you." Anata o warana kereba narimasen. // あなたを割らなければなりません。

4. Saying that something has become something else (~ni naru / ~ku naru).
"So Peter, you've become a pirate." Jaa, Peter, kaizoku ni natta. // じゃあ、ペーター、海賊になった。

I get a surprising amount of mileage out of these phrases, although I sometimes feel like a broken record in using them. Phrases that I still have difficulty with are asking whether someone wants something, something is better/worse than something else, and that I attempted to do something. Otherwise, I usually communicate through a combination of hand gestures and drawings. Like a caveman.

Japan, in numbers (briefly)

2011-07-12T20:30:00.000-07:00

I'm back from Japan (with an extended airport adventure on the journey from Tokyo to San Francisco). I'll have more photos and details upcoming, but would like to share my quick Japan-by-numbers:

Number of earthquakes felt: 2 (July 6 and July 10)
Number of mosquito bites: 14
Number of servings of 冷やし中華: 3
Number of shopping trips to Muji: 5
Number of times I watched my cousin Hinako perform the following song: 8

二週間で参照してください

2011-06-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

I'm on my way to Japan for 13 days to visit with family and friends. After the earthquake, I've been feeling pretty antsy to see my people over there, so I'm really excited for this trip. Also, seasonal Japanese food in the summer is my favorite. I will be adhering to the freeing experience of not bringing a computer, so no posts from this spot for a while. またね！

current medical students answer, "Why Stanford?"

2011-06-28T11:00:00.000-07:00

Five of my former students respond to why they chose to come to Stanford medical school. One student, Raymond, gave a shout out to my course! Also cameos by other former students and faculty Ian Tong and Greg Gilbert.

dammit, Japan

2011-06-27T11:00:00.000-07:00

Stanford tradition: frisbee golf

2011-06-26T22:00:00.000-07:00

My old housemate Kevin is back from Austria for the first time in 9 months, and he came eager to participate in activities he missed from being abroad. One item was eating a burrito from Chipotle. Another included the Stanford frisbee golf course.

The rules are simple. Follow an unofficial-official 18 hole course. Tee off from predetermined points. Use your frisbee to hit various landmarks. Drink cheap-ish beer as appropriate.

I went with Kevin, Evan (another former housemate), and Gabi. While I didn't play (and we didn't exactly follow the course in order), I got to enjoy both the beer and the hilarity of experiences like Kevin climbing a tree to look for his frisbee, only to realize that it was in a bush 3 feet away. Or Gabi proclaiming, "Go big or go home!" right before whinging her frisbee into an abandoned pool (her resigned conclusion of "I should have gone home..." sent Kevin and me into a fit of giggles).

"we got a minefield of crippled affection"

2011-06-26T04:00:00.000-07:00

Over the last week, I've discovered that some of my friends have transitioned from having "troubles" to having TROUBLES. I haven't been sure what to do as these people I care about seem to be struggling monumentally under the weight of their worlds. It's made me wonder if my usual M.O. of giving people space and letting them figure things out on their own with support is actually just cowardice wrapped in false compassion. And I feel sick inside thinking of them working through these trials alone, but lacking the nerve to push myself further into their lives.

sourdough: before and after

2011-06-21T22:00:00.000-07:00

Sourdough pre- and post-kneading:

This dough fulfilled its destiny as my Father's Day present. In my reckless old age, I smuggled the first rise through airport security on my way to Vegas this weekend. Go big or go home.

Easter Weekend, Day 2: Wilder Ranch

2011-06-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

Another day, another nature field trip, this time to Wilder Ranch State Park in Santa Cruz. Located right up against the coast, it has the double greatness of a historical farm/hiking trail to the ocean.

While wandering the grounds after lunch, we were intercepted by a docent who offered to give us a tour of the houses. Um, hell yes.

The idea that you could buy some land, build a house (or two), and then raise five generations of family in the same location is such a foreign, romantic concept to me (and probably most of my friends). I think my family needs to go back three generations in order to find that sense of rootedness.

After the tour, we wandered down the trail that took us to the glory that is the Pacific.

wormwood and hot sisters

2011-06-04T22:00:00.000-07:00

Per my friend Greg's impulse event planning, we took the trip up to Alameda last Sunday to do a tour and tasting of St. George Spirits.

St. George Spirits is a distillery housed in an old naval airplane hangar overlooking the San Francisco Bay. They make a variety of spirits, including probably their most popular item: Hangar One vodka.

Our tour guide, Pauly, took a giant group of us around for the distillery tour. While super knowledgeable and clearly comfortable around crowds, there was something of a "substitute teacher who is cool because he swears and agrees that algebra is dumb" vibe to his presentation. He was also pretty critical about a lot of things (competitors, people's taste in alcohol, distribution processes, etc.), which could either be awesome or offensive, depending on your mood. However, it is clear that he is passionate about what the distillery produces.

Our tasting guide was awesome. Because it was so busy (and because the tour ended late), she was initially a little brusque, but warmed to our group on the third item and really took the time to educate us a bit about the things we were tasting.

Our tasting menu (for $15):

Aqua Perfecta Pear Eau de Vie
Hangar One Straight*
Hangar One Buddha's Hand*
Hangar One Mandarin Blossom
Hangar One Kaffir Lime*
Hangar One Chipotle
St. George Single Malt Whiskey (Lot 10)
Firelit Coffee Liqueur*
Aqua Perfecta Pear Liqueur*
Aqua Perfecta Framboise Liqueur
St. George Absinthe Verte
The Root of All Evil (absinthe and root beer)

Nearly everything was superb. I really, really wish I liked absinthe (especially theirs; St. George was the first American distillery to distribute absinthe after the U.S. ban was lifted in 2007), but the one-two punch of fennel and anise just proved to be too much. Almost everyone picked up a bottle of the coffee liqueur. Whit and I also got the Buddha's Hand citron vodka.

More photos:

muffins-apalooza!

2011-05-27T16:00:00.000-07:00

Somehow, a couple of co-workers trash talking each others' baking skills turned into an impromptu muffin-off. I self-deprecatingly donated super fiber healthy muffins to the cause. Naturally, I lost; however, everyone's colons win (in 24-36 hours). Stupid chocolate chips.

Maker Faire 2011 photos

2011-05-25T20:00:00.000-07:00

slip kissed

2011-05-21T08:00:00.000-07:00

From The Makers Project. Photography by Jennifer Causey.

cry uncle

2011-05-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

I grew up with a menagerie of "uncles." My dad was one of six sons in his family, but he also had a huge network of friends that went way back. These were friendships that I reluctantly tolerated when I was younger, thinking that these men were not good enough for my dad. As I grew older, however, I started to understand the precious value of having people in your life who knew you when, with whom could throw back a beer and reminisce, who could call you out on your shit without fear of offense.

These men would filter in and out of my dad's stories and our house. Most of them knew my dad from his musical life. I grew up tapping my foot along with one uncle's kick drum; helping another uncle transcribe lyrics from a popular R&B song; setting up the guest bedroom for another who had been kicked out of the house by whichever gal he was shacked up with at the time. They were talented, sometimes troubled men, whom my dad protected and loved and supported without enabling. His interaction with them taught me much about how adult relationships should be.

When my dad called me on Saturday to tell me that Donald Ray had died, I think both he and I were beyond the shock of this kind of news. My dad had been saying goodbye to friends for a while, and he and his group are getting to the age in which epidemiology wins out over good intentions. I think that my dad, having seen this sort of thing way too often in the last 3 years, has tried to make his moments count with those who are still with us.

The last time I saw Donald Ray, he was performing with his most recent musical project, The Next Movement. I'm glad I got to see him at his best. Donald Ray is the one on extreme stage right.

(I realize that the idea of a lounge band may seem lame/cheesy to folks outside of Las Vegas, but these acts are such a fantastic part of the musical legacy there that I suggest you get over your cynicism and check one out if you ever visit).

to infinity and beyond

2011-05-15T23:45:00.000-07:00

Do you know what it's like to attend a memorial service for a toddler? It's like all the unfairness in the world distilled into one tiny white coffin.

I had never met Marcell. However, I have known his aunt, Franky, for the last seven years. She entered First Exposures when she was 11, and will be graduating from the program (and high school) this year (that's her smiling on the banner image on the FX website). She spent some time introducing me to Marcell through the photos on the memorial board. She said things like, "I'm not sad now, because he was so happy." Toy Story 3 played during the wake because, as Franky said, it was the only movie he could watch over and over again (and requested it by yelling "Toys! Toys! Toys!").

Wherever you are, Marcell, it was an honor to meet you, and I can now picture you laughing and dancing and eating because of your aunt Franky's stories.

visitors from inside the beltway

2011-05-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

One of my closest friends from undergrad, Patrick, his wife Becca, and their 7-month old Jackson, made the trip from DC to California for the week. I hadn't seen Jackson since November; it is so amazing to see how he has developed a personality and charm all his own. Becca says he has a way with the ladies.

First Exposures feature in Snapixel magazine

2011-05-11T21:00:00.000-07:00

First Exposures' director of education, Erik Auerbach, is interviewed in this month's Snapixel magazine. You can view a digital copy of the issue here.

Martha Graham Google doodle

2011-05-11T08:07:00.000-07:00

Google has been killing it lately with their special event doodles. Here's the one today in honor of Martha Graham's 117th birthday:

Maystakes photobooth

2011-05-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

Gene sent a photo from the Maystakes photobooth that didn't make it onto the server. I'm not in it, but it gives a good idea of what things were like in front of that camera all night.

"here lies poopface" stout tasting

2011-05-09T17:00:00.000-07:00

Even though my friend Evan doesn't really like stout, he managed to accumulate a serious collection of it, and so invited folks over to help him drink them.

Tasty ones are asterisked:

Alameda Black Bear XX*
Obovoid Oatmeal Stout
Southern Tier Oat*
Brasserie Dieu Du Ciel Aphrodite*
Brasserie Dieu Du Ciel Peche Mortel*
Cascade Vlad the Imp Aler* (ok, technically not a stout)
Oregon Trail Bourbon Barrel Porter*
Crooked Labyrinth Black Ale
Disputin Russian Imperial Stout

Bonus sidetrack video of the parody Oregon Trail movie trailer:

say hi to your mom for me

2011-05-08T22:00:00.000-07:00

Last night, I had a nightmare that I accidentally got pregnant, gave birth a day later, and then had no idea how to raise my child. In other words, Happy Mother's Day to people who have figured out (or are working on figuring out) what they're doing.

April Maystakes

2011-05-08T13:30:00.000-07:00

My friend Gene turned forty last month, and had a joint birthday party with two other people: Laura and Nate (both of whom I've never met, so happy birthday, strangers!). However, any party to which Gene is central is a sure bet for a Saturday night, so up to the city we went.

The party was held at Bolt|Peters, which seemed like a fantastic space for either an office or an uber-hip living arrangement. Many, many awesome hats abounded. One of my internet crushes, Maggie Mason, was also there, and I spent an unhealthy amount of time trying to work up the nerve to talk to her, and predictably chickening out. I have also instituted a new weekly ritual of rocking out to Def Leppard. You know, for the children.

Orange Photography set up a crazy photobooth that entailed a sideways couch, which was super fun until I saw some guy fall from the top/side onto the side of his face (he was OK). I was even witness to one "maystake," in which a really nice guy tried to hit on a married lady. Sorry, nice guy.

Orange should have photobooth pics up soon, but here are my crappy ones:

California Is A Place, "Uppercut"

2011-05-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

Silicon Valley: land of a hundred garages. Some of those garages are harboring a nascent high-tech innovator. Some of them are fortifying doughy, pale software engineers and their hidden desire to feel alive. Gentlemen, welcome to Fight Club.

Uppercut from California is a place. on Vimeo.

Never will I look at a dustbuster the same again.

FX benefit photobooth time lapse

2011-05-04T22:30:00.000-07:00

Here's a time lapse of all the photobooth pictures taken at the First Exposures Benefit (courtesy of Orange Photography):

First Exposures 2011 benefit photobooth time lapse from Orange Photography on Vimeo.

PEPCON: twenty-three years later

2011-05-04T11:35:00.000-07:00

Twenty-three years ago today, I was standing in my elementary school cafeteria when we felt the building shake. I watched one of the teachers grab onto a table for balance. Everyone rushed out the double doors to the courtyard where we watched plumes of smoke rise into the sky. Most Las Vegas natives have similar stories of where they were when the PEPCON blast occurred. The explosion also took out the Kidd Marshmallow plant. This seemed to be the bigger tragedy among my elementary school cohorts.

(Hat tip to my friend and fellow Vegas local, Steve Gomez, for the video link.)

"test me...to the max"

2011-05-03T22:11:00.000-07:00

I just worked 3 days out of a four-day medical education conference. I also did double-duty as a photographer for some of the events. Too tired and sneezy to dissect it, but here's a photo from our reception at Cantor:

beneficence and tacos

2011-04-29T22:45:00.000-07:00

The First Exposures benefit went really well; we raised over $33,000 (last year's total was somewhere north of $17,000).

Probably the best part the evening was the tag-team speech from a student-mentor pair from 1993 (the first year of the program). They had fallen out of touch after one year together, but a few months ago, the student (now in her 30s) contacted Erik through Facebook and asked if he could find her mentor's last name. She then emailed the mentor, saying that she never forgot her, or her birthday (the mentor choked up while reading the email). It was so, so touching, and just really hit home for all of us that these are significant relationships that we're building with other humans.

I also gave a speech, but couldn't remember half of what I said, not that it was important. However, since I was so nervous about it, I didn't get any photos during the event. I only have these two from the afterparty at Otis Lounge. And of course there was a taco truck:

First Exposures benefit TONIGHT!

2011-04-28T13:30:00.000-07:00

Come one, come all! Buy some amazing photography pieces (seriously; the students have some crazy good stuff in the auction). Here's a sample of student work:

Isabella Fogel-Molina

Franchesca Hernandez

Curt Demafeliz

Keelan Sunglao-Valdez

Jenesh Dobie (my student -- squee!)

Easter Weekend, Day 1: Pescadero

2011-04-27T12:00:00.000-07:00

Saturday involved a FX field trip to Pescadero.

Pescadero is one of my favorite places in the Bay Area, so I was excited to go with the group. I met everyone at San Gregorio beach for lunch (it would have been too out-of-the-way to drive down with them from the city when I could just pop west through the mountains). People spent a fair bit of time exploring the shore and estuary.

After that, we went to Pie Ranch for a tour. I had been before, but had never been guided around the farm. Our guide was Nancy, who is one of the owners.

I did the following things:

Ate a radish flower.
Met a cow named Dulce du Leche.
Ate a strawberry.
Avoided getting stung by bees after getting too close to the apiary.
Rescued a chicken who had escaped the fence.
Tried, and failed, to climb a rope.
Ate pie.

My friend and co-mentor Julie shot a great video of the day's events.

Iron and Wine cover George Michael

2011-04-26T23:30:00.000-07:00

After I posted a commemorative video for They Might Be Giants Appreciation Day, my friend Jason linked a terrible cover of "Birdhouse In Your Soul" by Titus Andronicus to mess with me. My immediate feeling was an overwhelming desire to key their tour van. However, proving that good opportunities can come from bad, I skipped over to the Iron and Wine cover of "One More Try." I know Sam Beam isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I really do enjoy his unaffected style of singing.

Iron And Wine covers George Michael

[I'm waiting for one of the bands participating in the A.V. Club's Undercover 2011 project to say something valuable about why they chose the songs they did, instead of pretending like they hate music.]

Diane Emond, "The Beginning of the End"

2011-04-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

This is my best friend's mom when she was 15 years old. She had moved from Canada to become a singer. She unnervingly looks like Melissa in the video screenshot.

Here's Melissa and Diane the day before Melissa's wedding: